Learn to Say No and Achieve Your Goals. All people must learn to set limits and say “no”. This way, they can feel good about themselves and being with others. When you talk about saying “no”, it does not mean that you become a selfish person. It’s just about setting limits and setting your priorities. Then, you can meet your goals more efficiently. In this article, we will focus on how to set limits and how to assertively say no.
Have you ever felt that everyone around you wants a part of you? Learning to say “no” to these people will give you time to focus on yourself and your own priorities.
Many times, people can come to think that they are selfish, rude, or even useless. For this reason, they have the habit of saying yes to everything that is asked of them. Regardless of whether they really want to do it or not. Worst of all, most of the time they put their own responsibilities aside to do the tasks of others.
When people learn to reject requests from others and to value themselves, they begin to improve their quality of life. In addition, they have the opportunity to work on their personal projects and achieve the success they have always wanted.
What is really true is that not only will this improve your life, it will also improve the lives of those around you.
Why is it hard for us to say “no” most of the time?
Most of us don’t have a ton of free time anxiously waiting for it to be put to good use. So finding time to focus on your goals is likely to involve some tough decisions about what to prioritize.
Of all the things you need to do today, you should be wondering which ones are going to make a real difference and which ones can take a back seat. A really important part of meeting your goals is sticking with the ones that are really going to make a difference. Not giving in to the ones that may be easy, attractive, or entertaining, but aren’t going to do as much good.
Sometimes this involves rejecting tasks, activities, meetings, or demands from someone else. You must remember that the most important thing is your physical and mental health because if you are not in good health to perform the tasks of others, you will not be able to do your tasks either.
Many factors can influence people’s ability to set limits or reject requests that others make. Most of the time we let irrational thoughts support these kinds of problems that hurt us so much. It makes the situation too complicated. Some influencing cognitive aspects:
Feeling of guilt for not complying with the requests of others
If you are the type of person who puts the needs of others over your own, you will identify with this feeling. These types of people feel guilty if they reject the requests of others. Normally, they have thoughts like “I am a bad person”, “I am insensitive and selfish”, and so on.
It is important to note that these kinds of thoughts are exaggerations of the individual’s subconscious. The most important thing to overcome these behaviors is that people begin to value themselves, above others.
Being generous or friendly is not a problem. The problem lies with people who want to take advantage of your kindness and generosity. In this sense, people usually sacrifice their personal goals to do the tasks of others, simply because they do not know how to say “no”.
Believing that you are responsible for everything
Sometimes the problem is that people are overly involved in matters that are not their affair. It is extremely difficult for them to say no because they feel responsible for the “common good”. It means that they take the courage to perform tasks that are not their responsibility. They think that doing the work of others is helping, even when they know that others can perform their own tasks.
This class of people is always present in group work. They are the type of person who takes control of the group, performs the tasks of others, is attentive to ensuring that everything is carried out according to what has been previously established, etc. In theory, it is the person who works more than the rest of your team.
These types of people are vulnerable to others taking advantage of their generosity, abusing them in some way to achieve success without trying. They may even ask for help with their tasks, even when they have the knowledge and experience to do them on their own.
Helping people is good, especially when it comes to teaching others to do something. However, it is necessary to establish limits of respect so as not to have to bear the responsibilities of others.
Overvaluing the opinion of other people about us
Most people who suffer from this kind of low self-esteem problem base their own opinion on the comments made by others. They must learn to value and respect themselves. They have knowledge and experiences that allow them to develop successfully in the professional world.
In addition, they should not allow other people to take advantage of their talents and knowledge for their benefit. People who help others cannot allow them to define their identity or the way they see themselves.
Indeed, not everyone will like you, because that is impossible. Each person has their tastes, personality, and way of thinking. While you are a beautiful person to some, to others you may seem like the most horrible person on the face of the earth. However, the difference is actually marked by the opinion we have about ourselves. The opinion of others should not matter to you when you consider that you are an incredible and extraordinary person.
Obviously, it is normal to be affected by the opinion that other people have about us. Human beings always strive to be accepted. However, it is not correct to condition or regulate your actions because the opinions of others influence you. You must be true to yourself and make sure you things because you really want to.
How to say No, or set limits, in a good way?
1. Detect problems
One of the first things you should do is detect what you are thinking or doing before saying yes. This can dramatically influence your future decisions and can allow you to improve your behavior. In addition, it can allow you to start setting limits that help you improve your lifestyle and make better decisions when helping others. Find the pattern of behavior that defines you and work to overcome and improve it.
2. Analyze your thoughts when saying yes: Learn to Say No
You must take into account the thoughts that you have in mind at that moment. Then, you can determine what you feel and discover what the best way to act is. In addition, it allows you to find a more logical solution to your behavior. It’s a great way to learn to say “no” when you want.
3. Carefully analyze the attitude of the person making the request
You must realize in what kinds of situations it is more difficult for you to say no. In this way, you can start training, and consider different situations mentally. That way, you can find the best path and reject a request that you do not want to make. In addition, it allows you to study the person who is asking you the favor. What do you want me to do? Why do you want me to? Will you take advantage of me?
Communication strategies for learning how to say NO
Today people have the opportunity to learn how to say NO by following some of the advice we provide in this article. It is important to remember that, when giving a negative answer, people must maintain a firm and determined attitude. That’s how to give certainty that they are not going to be convinced. Some of the strategies that work best in this type of case are:
Being assertive: Learn to Say No
This strategy is based on explaining a position directly and concisely, without giving many explanations about the reason why we say “no”. It is important to take into account that the explanation should not be too long.
If you feel overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities and tasks that you have to deal with, this technique is the best alternative for you.
It is also the best alternative when you do not know how to clearly explain that you do not want to do something. You just have to tell the person who makes the request, that you will do it later or another day. In this way, you avoid being bothered for a long time, and when they ask you again, you already have an accurate and forceful answer.
Best of all, people don’t feel bad about your answer at first, because they think you’ll really do what they want. You can say that you should consult your agenda, or that you should think a bit before giving a final answer.
The Assertiveness Empathic: Learn to Say No
This is about “putting yourself in the other’s shoes”. That is, seeing things from the perspective of the person who is asking you for something. Try to imagine some argument they would make, how they might feel, and then go back to seeing things from your point of view.
Pretending to assertively agree
This is the best option when you are afraid that your negative answer will cause problems, disputes, or will be misinterpreted by the person asking you for a favor. It is very common for this situation to happen with people with low self-esteem, since they always feel that others are judging them. Therefore, these people are more vulnerable to emotional blackmail.
Say no, despite insistence: learn to say no even if they insist
The biggest problem for people who don’t know how to say NO is dealing with extremely pushy people. However, they can use some techniques to help themselves:
Learn to Say No: Broken record
It consists of staying firm by repeating our opinion several times, repeating the same testimony over and over again, until the persistent person is convinced.
Learn to Say No: Technique for processing changes
The person who puts this kind of technique into practice has the power to resolve any conflict. They can see events from an all-knowing angle, that is, as if they were just another spectator.
I can’t find the best way to say no
We all know that it is not easy to put techniques like these into practice, especially when it comes to a person who has a habit of pleasing others. You need to train if you want to generate new response patterns that help you overcome this type of behavior. You can easily learn to master these skills and become the person you want to be.
How to practice these techniques and be successful?
Exercise what you have learned: Learn to Say No
Learning to say NO is something that takes practice. You can start by writing dialogue. Write what you imagine the person who is asking you for a favor would say. Then write a negative answer. Note that you should even describe your facial expressions, and practice them, to ensure that you are in full control of the situation.
You can also start by writing situations that you have already experienced, and come up with a different response than the one you provided at the time. In this way, you can begin to see your life from another perspective.
Avoid saying YES immediately and reflect a bit on the proposal:
Take some time to think before you commit to doing someone else a favor. This allows you to assess the situation a little more closely. You must take care of visualizing the assertive response in great detail to make sure that you do it because you really want to. Not because you feel that someone is forcing you.
The more time you take to complete this task, the more you can find different ways to respond negatively to requests made by others. At first, it may seem extremely difficult, but with a little practice, you can achieve the results you want and be successful in saying NO.
Consequences of not learning to say “No”
Saying YES to everything is not a good thing to do, because people who do this often forget about their responsibilities to do others a favor. This prevents them from advancing and growing in the personal and professional sphere. For this reason, people must learn to say NO in the best way.
Some people try to take advantage of your talents and abilities to benefit themselves. They do not take into account the fact that they can harm you personally and professionally. They do not mind interrupting your work or your private life. Not only that, but they only care about their own interests. That is why you cannot allow them to abuse and control your life in this way.
If you keep saying “yes” to everyone and everything, eventually, you’re going to burn yourself out. That doesn’t do you or anyone else any good. Today, most of us confuse saying “yes” with being polite. We are often scared of how other people reacted if we did not comply with their requests.
That’s why we want you to commit to saying “no” more often, and we’ll teach you how to easily and effectively communicate this to those around you.
In our culture, we have not learned to prioritize our desires. We have learned that saying NO can be considered rude and turn you into a selfish or unsociable person, depending on the case.
Low self-esteem and the need for acceptance by others can also make us prone to saying yes to things we don’t want to do. It is easier to say “Yes,” and get carried away, than to say No, and risk being left out o our social circle. Some people find it easier to say no than others. The lower the level of self-esteem, the more difficult it will be for us to say no.
Always saying yes is a way of adapting to the environment, since it allows us to fit in socially, and to please the people we love close to. The yes is a social tool, even if inside we want a NO for that situation.
All these factors can lead us to accept many situations to feel loved and accepted. The problem is that we have a great fear of being alienated or separated that we do not allow ourselves to give too many negatives, even if they are justified.
Conflict arises specifically when two opposing needs meet. If someone asks us to do something that we do want to do, there is no conflict. They are two needs that go in the same direction. But if they ask us to do something that we don’t want to do, that’s when we get into conflict. We have to decide which we need to prioritize.
Saying “No” in time will prevent us from doing things we don’t want to do. We have to learn to prioritize what we want to do and put our will before that of others. It’s not about being selfish, and we don’t have to feel bad or guilty about it. It is simply a matter of looking after our interests. If we do not take them into account, no one will.