Develop emotional intelligence tactics to implement at work. For many years, emotional intelligence is practically considered a superpower. It is assumed that the people who have emotional intelligence not only can identify emotional states but can also connect with people, eliminate any trace of stress, and decipher the body language of those around them.
But is emotional intelligence really that wonderful? Is it really much more important than IQ? If it is true, what is the best way to develop emotional intelligence?
How to develop emotional intelligence?
More than talent, emotional intelligence is a skill that develops over time. The people who practice it have sub-skills that allow them to discover their own behavior patterns and the behavior patterns of close ones. These sub-skills are 4, and are known as:
· Self-awareness, emotional intelligence
The ability to recognize and identify emotions in yourself, as well as their origin. This skill allows you to know what kind of situations evoke specific reactions or attitudes. You can start working on your self-control.
· Self-control, emotional intelligence
It is known as the ability to control the impulse of emotions, preventing others from recognizing what you feel.
· Empathy, emotional intelligence
Empathy has a comprehensive concept. Most people would say it’s about “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes,” and in a way, that colloquial concept works to describe the meaning of this word. Empathic people can see the world through another person’s eyes, feel what they feel, connect with their emotions, and be compassionate with them. This is an essential skill when developing emotional intelligence.
· Social skills, emotional intelligence
It is necessary to know how to socialize, deal with different types of people, relate in a friendly way, maintain a good attitude towards others, resolve conflicts with ease, communicate clearly and accurately, influence as an example to follow for others, and more.
Why is it important to know how to manage emotions?
Emotional intelligence is the primary driver of success and personal satisfaction. True leaders are people who have an emotional intelligence superior to that of most.
Being a charismatic leader does not imply that you have emotional intelligence. In addition, these kinds of skills can be highly counterproductive if you do not know how to handle them since you must deal with your own emotions, and with the feelings of those who believe they need your help to feel better.
In short, emotional intelligence is essential, but it is not a panacea. In certain situations, it can be beneficial. In others, the raw IQ (the ability to analyze and draw conclusions) can be more decisive.
Can emotional intelligence really be improved?
You must be aware of all these factors before drawing conclusions:
1. You can change, up to a point
According to scientific evidence, the most determining factors are education received, genes, and childhood experiences.
It is not that you cannot develop your emotional intelligence. Still, to make profound changes, you will have to dedicate time and effort. Of course, emotional intelligence seems to improve over the years. For this reason, there is the saying that people mature with age.
2. Professional help does work, emotional intelligence
There is an intense debate about coaching and personal skills training. Many generalize their personal experiences and believe that what has changed their lives will work for the rest regardless of their circumstances. To avoid this type of extrapolation, there are scientific studies carried out on dozens of volunteers.
3. It is essential to interact with other people and listen to them
It turns out that we are not very good at assessing our level of emotional intelligence. We estimate it worse than our IQ, so in addition to not knowing how smart we are, we also have no idea if we are friendly.
Research has shown that the way we see ourselves has little to do with the way others see us. It is a phenomenon that has been replicated in many studies and causes that, in many competitions, we believe we are better than we really are. For these reasons and following a good training program, someone must give you an unbiased view of yourself.
4. Be mindful of the techniques you use, emotional intelligence
You have to remember that all people are different, and maybe what works for you does not work for someone else. At this point, you should know that empathy is the skill that will help you the most to deal with people and apply emotional intelligence.
10 necessary steps to improve your emotional intelligence
Here are the top 10 most important steps for developing healthy emotional intelligence:
1. Detect the emotion behind your actions
Almost all of us live disconnected from our emotions. The negative experiences we suffer during our lives teach us to isolate ourselves from emotions to protect ourselves. However, you cannot eliminate your feelings. Still, you must connect with them and understand how they influence you. When something makes you act or feel a certain way, stop for a second, reflect on the emotion behind it, and find its source.
At first, you may not know why you act or feel the way you do. Do not despair. You are not trained to do it. But as you focus on your feelings, you will begin to find the answers.
2. Expand your vocabulary (emotional), emotional intelligence
There are only four basic emotions from which all the others are created: joy, sadness, anger, and fear (although some authors add surprise and anguish).
The names you give your emotions will help you understand how you are feeling and why. Having a rich vocabulary with which to accurately describe your feelings is very important. Not mastering the language limits the knowledge of what you are experiencing, creating the feeling that you do not know what is happening to you.
3. Don’t be fooled by emotional appearances
Often, the primary emotions trigger other emotions, which leads us to believe that what we are feeling is the secondary emotion.
4. Don’t judge the way you feel, emotional intelligence
Emotions have only one function: to give you information about what is happening. If you could repress them, you would be blind, and you would not know how to react. Negative emotions prevent you. Don’t fight them. You must understand them and get as much information as possible to face the challenge they are alerting you about.
View your emotions not as good or bad but as the source of information that will help you become more self-aware.
5. Discover the hidden message of your body language
If you have trouble identifying your emotions, looking at your body language will give you many clues about what is going on inside you. For example, people at the beginning of anger cross their arms because they feel attacked. Relate these types of changes in body language to your emotions. You will be able to detect them much earlier.
And it’s not just about postural changes. Emotions also provoke automatic physiological manifestations, such as blushing when you are angry or pressure in the chest when you are sad.
Find patterns in the physical sensations you experience when certain emotions are triggered in you. You will become a master of emotions.
6. Control what you think to control how you behave, emotional intelligence
Many people excuse themselves by saying that in emotional moments, they lose control and do not own their actions. But they are only partly correct. Feelings are the result of emotion and what you think about that emotion. You cannot avoid the sentiment, but you can change your thoughts about it.
Pay attention the next time you feel an emotion because it means that thought will invade you shortly. Decide then what thought you want to have and how you want to behave.
7. Look for the why of others
Almost everyone makes the mistake of only judging the response in someone’s reaction when behind it, there is much more hidden from their eyes. Get used to thinking what feelings may be behind that reaction. What emotions and thoughts might that person be experiencing? Are they insulting you, is it possible that they are afraid of you and think that the best way to defend themselves is by upsetting you?
By looking for the reason for the reactions, you will be able to understand people. And I warn you that when you get into the habit of doing it, it will be difficult for you to get angry with people because you will understand that almost everyone has reasons to do what they do.
8. Keep an emotional journal, emotional intelligence
Another convenient and effective way to improve your emotional intelligence is to write down your daily feelings in a notebook.
9. Express your emotions assertively
You should identify and name your emotions. The next step would be to learn to express them without adverse effects through assertiveness. Specifically, define the feeling, express your emotion in the first person, communicate the behavior and what causes that emotion, not the intentions, end by describing what you need.
10. Turn it all into practical behaviors! Emotional intelligence
Don’t try to learn everything at once. Focus on a single thing and turn it into something practical so you know exactly what to do and when.
An emotionally intelligent behavior would be to turn your attempt to pay more attention into something practical.
To develop emotional intelligence, it only takes willpower to detect your emotions and control them as much as possible. In this way, you will be able to influence people and guarantee your success in any area of your life, including professionally.
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